Now that my temper has calmed a bit and I'm just left questioning myself, I feel I am able to write this better than I would have last night.
In the afternoon hours yesterday I received a text from a family friend we will call "A". This particular person is being gracious enough to let my mom, sister, and infant niece all stay with her for the time being, as well as my broken down car sit in her yard up until yesterday. However, that said, I don't feel that what transpired over the day was within her rights at all, regardless of them living with her. Anyway, back to the story. The text from A stated that she was concerned my sister was "making" her baby, my niece, sleep too much. My first thought, "a baby, sleep too much? I want that baby!". I as politely as I could tried to tell her I really didn't want to be involve but asked why she felt that way. After only a couple texts back and forth from her, I heard from my mother.
At that point, A had decided to literally take things into her own hands, and physically took this baby from my mother's arms (My mom was babysitting at this time, as my sister was working). An argument followed for a while, and ultimately A went outside with the baby. When I heard this I was FURIOUS. I was furious for my niece, who had to be in the middle of this, I was furious for my mother and the lack of respect this "friend" had given her, and I was furious for my sister because I know as a mother of my own bundle of monkeyness just a few months older, I would be absolutely livid to hear about this going on with my baby. Normally when my mom texts me to complain about things going on in this house (which happens fairly often, or my sister, lets face it 4 adults and an infant living together with only 1 shower is not pretty) I just kind of listen and be there but drop it. I couldn't just drop it this time. I mean, what gives this woman the right to do such a thing! I felt it was wrong on many levels.
First, this is not her baby. This isn't even a grandchild, or niece, or cousin. Sure, she can disagree with how my sister decides to parent, and she can voice her opinion, but there is nothing anywhere that gives her the right to physically take this baby out of a family member's arms without consent to parent her the way she chooses. PERIOD.
Second, what makes her think that her parenting methods are top notch? Now, I'm not normally one to judge other's on how they parent, but when I feel judged, I can't help but retaliate. (I'll get back to why I feel judge in a bit). This woman, felt it was appropriate to allow her just barely 18 year old daughter who was still in high school to fly several states away to meet a boy she had found through facebook. Granted, the daughter was 18 and really could decide what to do on her own, but if I had a daughter, or my son for that matter, I would strongly discourage this! You just don't know what you are flying into when you meet someone online, lets face it things just aren't safe anymore. How many news articles do we read nowadays that involve a teen girl going to meet up with a boy who wasn't really a boy but a full grown man who then rapes and kills her? Too many. Did I say anything when that happened? No, I bit my tongue, but I wanted to. I felt that was a safety issue. Too much sleep? Really now, how many babies do you know get too much sleep? That's a joke all in itself!
Third, and the reason why I also feel judged, is I found out how much this baby is being "forced" to sleep. Even though they occur differently, they are the same amount of hours my son sleeps. So, clearly, I am failing as a parent also. She also said that my sister gets mad/frustrated when she doesn't want to sleep because clearly the baby just isn't tired. I also get mad and frustrated when mine won't sleep, but you know what? The reason he won't sleep isn't because he's not tired, in fact it's complete opposite, it is because he is so overtired he is fighting it! So, maybe instead to be a good parent I should just let him grump about and be overtired. Clearly that is what is wanted here. I may have overreacted a bit about this, from their eyes anyway because it is not my baby, but I too felt attacked because if she is attacking my sister for the very same things I do, then she is also attacking me.
Now, before people freak out about how I responded, I feel I was very polite. After my mother sent me the text saying what happened, I sent her one final text. It stated "Look I am sorry you don't like how my sister is parenting but taking B from my mother's arms is not okay. I will be moving my car as soon as I can. Please don't text me again." So yes, I did volunteer to move my car, mostly because I knew that speaking my mind no matter how polite would result in retaliation, simply because she is a my way or highway kind of person. Her final text, which got no response from me included "now get your damn car out". Just to show my point.
These are the type of parents I can't stand. The kind that feel they know the only and best way to raise a child, and no one else is ever right. They aren't open to the fact that all babies are different as are parents. They are the kind that should maybe just take a step back and look at their own parenting choices and realize they too aren't perfect, but that's okay because nothing in life is. Am I saying that I am perfect? Hell no. But that doesn't give her the right to act that way either. NO ONE IS PERFECT. And just a few short days earlier I had written a brief facebook status about parents like this, that she read, and commented on agreeing with me....So much for agreeing with me on that.
The moral of my story is, like religions, there are many takes on parenting. Some people breastfeed, others formula feed. Some bed share, some use cribs. Some cry it out, some wait it out. Some vaccinate, some don't. At the end of the day, we all want what we feel is best for our child. Being a mom is hard enough some days. You have days you are running off 2 hours of sleep with a screaming infant that has an ear infection. Why do we constantly have to judge each other also? If parents don't like how another parent is raising their children, that is fine, they aren't forcing you do to it to yours (at least they shouldn't be). Instead of constantly attacking each other, how about supporting each other. Show a little tolerance. People want world peace lets start on a smaller level within our communities, and respect the fact that not everyone is the same, and that is ok. As long as there isn't abuse or neglect going on, then leave the parenting to the parents and worry about your own damn kids.
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